A heavy heart.

One thing I have learned on this journey with Eli through his congenital heart defect and his needing a heart transplant is that I couldn’t do this alone. I need support. I need to be reminded of how many people love Eli and wish the best for him. We have amazing family and friends but I have also found a certain sense of welcome and understanding in friends I have met here at the CICU. I am a member of a number of groups or pages that offer support to parents dealing with congenital heart defects, and life after heart transplant. Usually those groups offer nothing but the support and acceptance I need, but lately, I have noticed it's not enough. 

I worry a lot over the future and Eli's heart and catching something he can’t fight off. I’m an optimist, almost to a fault. Becoming a mom really put my optimism to the test, especially a mom to a son with heart problems. Not worrying about Eli and his future would be like expecting the sun not to shine or the grass not to grow. I will always worry.  

Tonight I feel a little less worried about how upside down my life is and focus on how great it will be. My heart weighs heavily for another CICU family. They will say goodbye to their daughter Keeley on Monday. Michelle and Matt & the boys have become great friends to us here at the hospital. I can only hope to have the strength they have if ever given their situation. 

I've found this passage and felt that it's fitting for the past few days I've had. 

"YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE LENGTH OF YOUR LIFE, BUT YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE WIDTH & DEPTH. "

xoxo