5th intubation

I couldn't get over to Eli's pod fast enough this morning. Danny sent me a late night photo from his visit and Eli was able to wean off his CPAP mask. That allowed us to hold him again! I held him from 6:45 to 9:20. I didn't wanna let go. I wasn't going too. I text my boss and asked for the day off so I could just hold him. And love on him. And stare. And touch. And tell him how much I loved him. And poke his cheeks. And tell him how much he looked like his big brother. And his daddy. And we can't wait to get him home. And to show off his "special mark" to all the ladies. And just that we couldn't be more thankful for him. Our special heart baby. 

But I had too. I had to let go. Again. 

Eli started to turn a different color. This happens when his lungs start to collapse. I had to put him back in the bed and we started the recruitment process. That wasn't working fast enough. They put on the CPAP mask but decided shortly after that we needed to reintubate. FOR THE 5th TIME! I had to step out of the room. I cannot watch this process. It breaks my heart. Even after so many times, knowing what happens and that it's what's best for him. I struggle with this. 

At this point we don't know exactly why this keeps happening. The docs & Eli's surgeon want to meet and figure this out. They want us to be there too. Medical decisions need to be made and as parents we have the right to say no and choose a different route. So we just have to wait and see what they want to do. There are a few reasons as to why this is  happening but we cannot pinpoint any at this time. We're also waiting on some lab cultures from today's events to help us narrow our choices.

So as I know you all will. And you do it so well. Please pray for our sweet EJ. He needs your continued faith and strength. I know I do. 

Xoxo.