I had just gotten back to work today. A 5 hour day is better than no day. I didn't expect to leave and go see him so soon. Doesn't make going back for my 2nd day any easier.
I made it to Elis room first. Danny and Lucas came over shortly after. He and I always talk about how we hate turning that corner to walk into Eli's pod. If there's people standing outside of it you know something is wrong. Today, I saw those people standing there. It hit me. I knew something was wrong. It's the worst feeling. I walked in to them getting him settled back into his bed after having the tube placed back in. So helpless and exhausted. He had worked so hard today on breathing and it just was too much. He started to give up. They decided at that point he needed some help. They did all they could to get that lung to inflate on its own and nothing was working. Putting in his breathing tube was the best thing at that point.
So that's where we are now. Intubated again. Still unable to hold him.
9 days and counting since I last held my baby boy.
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