We wait.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that all this hit me. I feel sick to my stomach. We went from getting ready to fix Eli's heart because he was doing so good to needing to list, NOW. The docs wanted us to be very clear on the fact that Eli's heart is MUCH MUCH sicker than any of us had previously understood. Every one of the members of the board today said they would list immediately.

Eli will be listed at Cincinnat Childrens Hospital. We won't know his official status until Thursday. What that means is this...1A is for patients living in the hospital and basically being kept alive by intravenous drugs and machines. 1B is the next status level, critical but not living in the hospital and not on IV drugs. In addition to being blood type A, that means Eli is eligible for an O TYPE OR A TYPE heart that comes. B TYPE is not a match. Eli will need a heart the ages of 6 months or younger. They feel very confident that he will have a new heart fairly soon after listing. The average wait time for a heart is 3 months. Eli will remain here until this happens. Keeping him alive is what's next. Getting a heart is after that. We have no other options now. We have transplant. If one does not become available and Eli starts to do worse. Some very tough decisions have to be made. Eli needs a new heart. Point blank. He cannot survive with what he was given. 

So this is where my next few paragraphs are hard to read...the flip side. 

Dear Donor, 

That name seems so cold considering the role you now have in our life. You will save our sons life. We've thought about you a thousand times in the last week. We've wondered how your family will cope without you. We know they will miss your smile, your voice, your presence. And yet a part of you will be here, forever united, to our family. Your heart. His body. Working together to give him life. The gratitude, love, sorrow, guilt, and joy in our heart is all we are able to cope with, for now. We want to remember that it is you and your amazing family that gave our son a chance at life. We want to let you know how grateful we are for this gift. We want you to know that every day you are thought of and loved and remembered by our family. Your gift to us will never be forgotten or treated lightly. While your moments of this life were cut short, we want you to live them all within our sweet Eli. Thank you will never be enough. It will never say what we feel in our hearts. It will never suffice for how we feel towards you and your family. We hope to take you with us on Eli's journey from here on out.

Thank you for giving our son this life.  Thank you for your perfect heart. Our son who was once half, will now be whole. 

<3