Breathe Kelcie.

I've been so busy with life that I haven't had anytime to post. Time is definitely catching up to me and most days I forget to even brush my hair. Throw it in a pony and go. Seems to be my routine lately. 

Let's see...Eli has been doing amazing. Therapy once a week now along with a few other appointments. His extensive hearing test is Thursday and we can finally have a clearer answer to what exactly he is developmentally behind in. This hearing loss could have a major impact on how we move forward with his therapies. 

He is eating very well. Baby food 1-2 times a day with 6-8oz bottles all day long. He is a hungry growing boy. Still on allecare formula but will be switching to vitamin d milk for good! I'm excited to have a normal smelling baby instead of gross formula permeating from his skin. IICK. I HATE IT! 

We now have 4 teeth. Finally! These top 2 are rough. Eli is struggling but I am glad they finally came! He is going to be so dang cute :)

Most days I can get by with no emotional episodes. Depends on the day. I see newborn babies and just stare. Like I never knew what it was like to have that newborn baby feeling. But I do. I had Lucas. We had an amazing first year with Lucas and now he is 3! Eli, is a different story. I don't expect anyone to fully understand what it's like but parts of me never felt like I was a mom for 5 months. I just watched my baby from a hospital bed and prayed one day I could be half as strong as he was. I try everyday to thank God we are where we are because their are those less fortunate. They have lost children to severe heart defects and never were able to take them home or hold them like I can hold Eli now. I am very grateful, don't get that twisted. 

I just struggle. I struggle with development. Seeing younger kids more developed and bigger and more alert and acting true to age. I want that so bad for Eli. I dread being around other kiddos solely on comparison comments. I cry everytime I see a Facebook post of other friends babies wanting to crawl or sitting up that were born months, many months after Eli. I know...I know. You don't have to tell me. Eli has been through a lot. He's doing awesome for where he is at and how he got here. I KNOW! I try to tell myself that everyday. 

But I struggle. I'm entitled to that. I just wish things were a little easier for eli...

And for Lucas, to be able to have a 1 year old brother who could play and chase eachother around the house. 

And for Danny who has to deal with me and all my emotional and crappy days. 

And for myself. To just be thankful I even have Eli to write about. 

Xoxo