Saturday, July 13, 2013

A ball of emotion.

At first it seemed like the best idea. Continuous monitoring, no more triage visits, guaranteed care when I feel Eli isn't doing ok. 

And then I hit my 6th day out of the 10 total before Eli arrives. I've managed to get up and pee, eat and shower today. Ive held it together. But...

Today, I'm in a terrible funk. The nurses have taken notice. Constantly asking me what they can do to help me not wanna cry at the opening of the door. Because a little part of me is hoping its my son. To come stay and not leave again. It breaks my heart not being with him. As I manage to wipe the tears from my eyes to finish typing this little update, I can't wait for this to be over. Not the pregnancy part bc that to me is still so very special and eli still needs me to be his lifeline...But the time spent away from the one thing that makes me whole. That's what I want back. 

Eli had a slight decrease in movement today but we got him to perk up towards the end of the monitoring session. I was checked shortly after. No change since Wednesday for me. This to me is very frustrating. I have been contracting for quite some time now and they seem to be doing nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. We're basically waiting on Eli to really show distress, I dilate to active labor or my water breaks. My blood pressure could jump and that could also put us into labor but so far my BPP has been perfect. Almost too perfect. I'm not swollen, anywhere and my appetite hasn't gotten any less. So we're just waiting. And waiting. And waiting. 

4 days left. Induction is for 9:00 pm Wednesday evening. Eli will probably arrive at some point Thursday afternoon into late Thursday evening. ❤

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