Thank you God.

So most of the day my brain runs around in a million different ways. From my next assignment in my summer class to 5 years from now when I'm pulling Lucas off his little brother in fear he may break his little heart. I know. It's a crazy way to think but that leads me to this post. 

I am a mother of 2! Two beautiful boys at that. I have not had the easiest road but I can't say it's been horrible either. Every fight and every trial has gotten us to where we are today. Many messages I've received and posts I've gotten have sort of the same pattern. "I envy your strength and couldn't imagine what you are going through!" More of you have expressed how you admire my courage and will to be strong during this process.

I can't tell you where it comes from. I don't think you can really prepare yourself for something like this. Yes, we knew for 18 weeks before Eli arrived but actually seeing your own child in this setting and in this state is a whole new ball game. I've had my moments. They haven't been too over dramatic. Wheeling Eli into the OR was one of them. Danny was able to console me as we got to the elevator and I was asked to kiss my baby boy goodbye. My other was in the shower the first night Eli was in recovery. Yes it was one of those awful scenes from a drama movie where the woman is on the bathroom floor and the shower is pouring down and she's just bawling. It wasnt one my finer moments but dammit it was a relief. I just cried. I gave everything I had that night to the man above. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I think it was at that point where I answered the above question. I'm by no means religious but when you've got so many praying and pulling for your family you can't help but close your eyes for a few seconds and just say thank you. 

Thank you God.